Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

How do you cope when your mother doesn't love you?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I understand how hurricane paths work

Is it okay or problematic to be both Black and gay in society in the 21st century?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

When sharing a wife, is it best with your buddy or a stranger?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I actually pay taxes

What is one thing which you cannot stop however hard you try?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

Can you explain the difference between being a conservative Republican and a liberal Democrat? Can you provide some examples of their ideologies?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Why can't I lose weight?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Why do I sweat so much after applying moisture or sun screen on my face? I have normal skin.

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Does the interpretation of the Book of בראשית create in all generations the Chosen Cohen People יש מאין?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

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I can count

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Should any books be banned from school libraries? Why is it important for students to read certain books in school?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Why do entitled people demand that I pick up after my doggo when he goes to the bathroom? Do they not know that doggy doo decomposes & feeds the plants?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I see through liars

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Short story writers, what is your favorite character you've created and do they appear in more than one of your works?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

Can cheating be a result of not truly loving or caring for someone, or is it sometimes just a spur of the moment decision?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t buy bullshit

How do you feel about the impending end of what Donald Trump calls "the Green New scam"?

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I have complete contempt for fakery

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know who the president of Turkey really is

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I can read

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I have a reading level above third grade

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t